RANSVESTIA

doing any such thing in reality, even if there exists anyone who would abet me in such a thing, but when, in my calmer moments, I reflect on the extreme depravity of such desires and realize the depth to which I have actually fallen by the indulgence instead of the repression of my extraordinary feelings, I know that I have gone far enough and that it is quite time the whole thing was in some way stopped and treated. I think I know myself well enough to say that if the right road to a cure is pointed out to me I have strength enough to follow. Not that is will probably be easy, but the same spirit that has hitherto made me seek gratification at any cost may also serve me to practice renunciation in the same way.

I

"I may say that my feminism is almost entirely mental, for physically, in all the matters of conformation, growth, and distribution of hair, sexual organs, voice, etc., I am quite an ordinary and normal male. I have, certainly, rather small and well shaped hands and feet, and my legs, when seen in dainty stockings are surprisingly feminine in shape and appearance, and I hate to have my hair cut, but apart from these things have no marked bodily female characteristics-though I have often the most intense longing and desire especially when enjoying the nakedness of my bosom in a low cut evening bodice, to have female breasts, that is in shape and size, for I already have the feminine quality of extreme sensitiveness in those parts, and keenly enjoy having them kissed and caressed, in which pleasure my lady friend used to very often indulge me, getting me, as I was nothing loth, to kiss and caress her own very fine well- developed breasts in return. My other feminine characteristics are, as I have said, chiefly mental, beginning with the intense longing and desire to be a woman, and going through the faculty of, under certain conditions, acutally being able to imagine myself to be one, to the love of and exquisite pleasure in the wearing of female clothing, and to the minor ones of a great love of perfumes, of jewelry in the way of rings, necklaces and bracelets, and of pretty thing generally. The last is probably merely a part of the artistic tastes which makes me hate anything that is course and ugly and love the beautiful and elegant. As an artist I get all my pleasure through the eyes, and suppose I carry the same thing into my sexuality, and naturally love the sight of a pretty woman quite nude, or displaying her charms and her pretty clothing together in some voluptuous or suggestive pose.

"That the charms of the underclothing exercise even a more powerful effect upon me than those of the woman herself is probably

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